Hi Apa kabar, Jakarta

I had kept my blog blank for quite a long period. There was no special reason just without inspiration to write. I asked myself not to be sunk by those anonymous stuff and feelings. Sometimes to keep busy was the good therapy to put myself in the status of "HAPPINESS". Well, try to imagine, if you had spent out of your energy during the daytime, how could you have power left to fight with the inner voice?

It's the last night of my first bisiness trip in 2011. I'm in Jakarta. I had been trying to keep my mood in balance these days. Since this place was always connected with my heart in some way, special friends and special memories. I would like to cherish every chance we meet and hold on the moments to share with those whom I care about. It's a pity that I only could stay 3 days this time and the departure is coming tomorrow. So here I would like to say "Selamat tinggle" (Goodbye) to those lovely friends.

I got some issues about forgiveness and giving these days. It was not so easy. I had been trying to learn and practice more about that. I knew I am not as smart as what I behaved actually. I still laughed loudly to hide my real feelings. Sometimes I almost persuade myself that I didn't care about those unpleasant stuff at all. I believe the saying that everything happened for a reason. So I think it's must be meaningful what I experienced. Maybe I don't know the real answer now, but I would learn something from these days eventually.

From 2010 to 2011, From Chaos to System

15 minutes later, we will move on to 2011. How can I let the moment be blank?

Looking back on the passing year, I had a lot of different experiences from the previous year, both in outer life and inner life. I tried to learn more to live at the moment. I took every unexpected thing as every single test. I remembred there were times I tried to escape from some dislikeful tasks but hardly succeeded. Though I ever doubted if I could handle them by myself, I found to face them was the only useful solution eventually. Step by step, I expected to win myself.

This chaostic 2010 year with many cruel and miserable disasters, with unusual climates. We are experiencing some dramatic changes in every aspect. I wish all the sad things would be stopped at the last moment of 2010.

Wow! Let's welcome the coming new year!! Sending my blessings to all of you....

Wisdom of Life

I seem to be numbed by these regular schedules and same jobs. I became dull. I didn’t know what worth to write. I think I’m losing my sensibility. Were these days just too regular to be recorded? No, it’s definitely not correct. I had a charming tour to the beautiful islands of Taiwan, Panghu. I attended a good course about the skills of performance review. I am hunting new staffs for my team. However, some days I felt like a rock, hard and heavy. I felt lost and confused. I questioned myself again and again. Should I move on this way? Was what I persisted really what I wanted? Would I have the power and wisdom to solve the upcoming challenges? Guess what! I am still right here. I just let my brain run out of memory but do nothing. Maybe I am just a stupid guy to trouble myself.

I just saw a film-‘ The Good Heart’, acted by Paul Dano and Brian Cox. There was a meaningful metaphor said by a counselor toward a young man who committed suicide attempted, and I want to memorize here.
“Try to think life is a coconut. It’s hard outside. If you don’t have proper tools or knowhow, you would see it can be useless. But if you know how to open this, it’s juicy inside.
The key is not to keep the coconut yourself. Once you know how to open the coconut, you share the coconut with someone who has no coconut, then, you will understand what happiness is.”

In this competitive society, speed almost can win everything. People lose patience. We don’t like to wait and get behind. In Mathematics, we are taught a diagonal line is the shortest distance between two nonconsecutive vertices. But how about the principle applied in our life? Does it work we adopt the straight way to deal everything?

A friend sent me a story and gave me the good wisdom- The straight line may not be the shortest distance between two points. Sometimes we run out of our energy but only move on a little. We speed our steps from the beginning but fail to hold on till the last minute. How come? Do we take the wrong approach? I just know to pull a wagon on a rough road by “Z” line will save more power than the “straight” line.
So how about to extend our thinking! A narrow winding trail might lead us to a beautiful garden. And I think the key is to take time to live a life, to feel the land, to experience what we are gifted.

Just Do It, Just In Time

Some days I felt confused and didn’t know how the time passed so soon. Some days I wonder what we are busy for. Then, what will you do or find something to support you to keep moving on? Have you ever thought what our mission ought to be in this life?

I just heard of an elder lady got cancer yesterday. As my mom told me, she almost dedicated herself to her family and work. But she never paid attention to her health. She ignored a several signs of her illness. She was overloaded with works and works. She thought she just got tired. Who would think of such thing happened on one’s prime of life? No one could accept the bad news as the doctor announced how many days she left.

I ever saw and knew most parents work hard through their lives but seldom spend money for themselves. What they do and concern is all about their children. So did this ill lady. She seemed never let herself to enjoy her life. I thought the best change was her two children became responsible after she got sick. It’s indeed a cruel lesson for all.

A friend sent me one story a few weeks ago. There was a man who never stopped his steps in his world. One day a wisdom finally caught up with him and asked why he always rushed to somewhere, he answered the death kept in step with him, so he ran fast to leave the death behind. The wisdom then asked, why did you think that way instead of the death should be in front of you? Why didn’t you just slow down to feel and enjoy every moment you have?

How about your views from the metaphor of this story? And then what would you make changes in your own world?
These days I have a few rough thoughts. Everyday we rush here and there. We race against time. Some days we lived without any focus and lost our faith. Could we just sit for a while to feel a peaceful moment? Could we just treat ourselves generously while healthy? Could we be a bit selfish and willful sometimes to care more about ourselves? It seems easy but actually not for some people.

Outing to Upstream Walking

Last weekend I had a brand new experience for outing-upstream walking. I thought it should be an easy tour but actually not. It was a tough challenge for me. I couldn't relax in the steram while floating. Since I almost can't swim, I still felt afraid while walking in the deeper water areas even I had worn a life vest. However, it was really an unforgettable memory in my life.

For a long time I couldn't conquer my fear in the water. I felt suffocated when my body against the water pressure. I remembered I attended the swimming course in my school days. I was shouted by the coach many times and asked me " where were you going" since I couldn't relax and swam straightly.

I didn't attend the second day of this outing after experienced the previous tough schedule. I simply sat beside the beautiful stream, chatting with some friends and watching the kids playing and jumping. I envied those little good swimmers. They looked so naturally and enjoyable.

At the end of July, two staffs resigned. The same reasons of their resignation was they didn't want to do auditing through their whole life. Well, I admired their courage to quit. I think I won't have their determination even if I were in their age. I will bless them to meet their ideal career.

I am thinking that life is like swimming. It needs balance all the time. Once we lost the balance, we would feel uncomfortable and even sunk by the pressure from all aspects of life. For me to keep a balanced life is a constantly learning course as same as swimming.