"Mr. LEFT"

"Mr.LEFT"? Yes, you are not "Mr.WRONG"! I would rather call you Mr.LEFT. Why say so? I think there was nobody wrong in this relationship, just because we are moving on different sides, the right for me and the left for you. If I make a list for 10 persons who had affected my life most, you would be one of them. You made me change my lifestyle, my learning, my views, and the definition of love.

Through a friend's visit a few days ago, I heard of your latest status going well. It's good for you. It had been over six months since our last real talk. These days there were some noises echoed in my head, and the frequency of those sounds increasing. I think the main cause is due to our next meeting is approaching more and more. It pushed me to write something here. Though I know very well you won't look my posts, but why bothers? I just want to record my present mood.

Fifty days more, we will meet again, before that, I really wish a chance to talk to you heart to heart. I still have no idea what you are thinking now. Friendship doesn't come easy, and we had been friends for years. It's the last thing I would do to give you any pressure. You could tell me if you thought this relatioship as a burden. What I have been waiting for is still silence. You never showed up and said something. I had ever tried several channels to reopen our conversation but all failed. What could I say? It's a long long distance to reach you, so no matter how you think or act, I indeed have no way to affect your life. Maybe you felt much safer in your own shell.

Here I paste some words from my reading and I wish you might see. If not, I hope we may frankly talk when we meet next time.

"I want and deserve a man who knows he wants to be with me.

If that's not you, I need to know, so I can move on."

Though in the deep of my heart I might guess and catch the answer, I still wish you could let your words spoken.

I think we will be alone eventually at the last second of our life, so before that sad moment I do hope both us will be lucky to keep sharing our life with our beloved, no matter whom the one will be. I can't deny there are some hesitations and struggles staying here. I also wonder if you ever thought of me and cared about our friendship. As people told me, it's dangerous to fall again in such a distant relatioship if lack of trust base. Now I am counting the days left, and buliding more strength inside to see the real YOU at that day.....

Climbing Mountains

Last weekend I took part in a two-day trip to Sun-link-sea, which is located in Nan-Toa. Though this area had ever been closed for 4 years due to 921 earthquake of 1999, it's still beautiful and very natural. You mightn't have a chance to visit there, but can easily take a web tour. Go to Sun-link-sea.

The most unforgetable experience was climbing. We had walked along the path through the woods about 3 hours. Most friends felt exhausted during the way, for sure "a city animal" as I, couldn't be exceptional. There was always surprising stuff showing up whenever we almost gave up. The amazing and beautiful scenery was like a painting, and we stood there. I felt so glad to have attended this tough task. I am thinking now...maybe people would more cherish life only after they passed through a trail of difficult experiences.

Another exciting event for me was riding a bycle in the country road. I ever thought several times to take a ride but never did in this busy city. It has been almost twenty years since I rode last. I didn't expect that I would have a chance to ride, and I would like to look that as a precious gift. I am not sure if you agree? sometimes we will feel happier when we keep less expectation toward life.

My harvest from this trip was beyond my words. In short, I did have a great time in this trip.

My Bucket List

Well...it's a very meaningful assignment for me, and this inspiration came from these two wonderful posts, "mountainmama's bucket list" and "starry eye's 10 Dreams to Realise b4 I Kick the Bucket". I don't know how they make those beautiful thoughts and dreams, but I would like to try my own.

I ever thought, if I only have a few months (or maybe less ) to live, is there anything I feel regetful about? anything I want to do but never did it? for sure, there should be. somehow, I am in a trance.

Here I go my bucket list before I am dying.

1. to meet true love and get older together.

2. to have a house in the country and live in a simple lifestyle.

3. to dispel my fear about water and learn how to swim.

4. to learn painting.

5. to accept any invitation for experiencing fresh and good stuff.

6. to travel as possible as I can- with enough time, bugdet and good health.

7. to enjoy life with a good partner, my family and old friends.

8. to have my own coffee shop where people may release themselves.

9. to write down my life, my feeling, my fantasy till the last momet.

10. to train myself to stay in real peaceful and harmonic mindset if I failed in making dreams come true.

And here's what I have done that makes me feel good about my spiritual land and real life.

1. I made efforts on my career and got physical returns to clear my financial burden.

2. I started my blogging life since this July. It led me through a brand-new space, knowing many friends and fulfilled my boring life. Meanwhile, I have been trying to improve my poor English through writing.

3. This year I had trips to some destinations where I had never been.

4. I experienced an unforgettable relationship this year, from sweetness to bitterness. But I also learn how to do self-healing, to love myself more, and to enjoy life in time.

5. I learn how to make cookies and cakes. I like to share those desserts with my friends.

So far, I am still thinking what I want? anything I will regret if not doing? As time goes by and I am getting older, my bucket list might be revised again and again. But I think it's OK. It will mean I have different expectation and more dreams toward life. Moreover, those dreams of the list will be good drivers for changing my ordinary life.

My Movie Day

Today I did one thing I never did before. I took my annual leave this afternoon and went to two movies, "Love Happens" and "2012", plus, alone. It's not holiday but still took some time to buy tickets. I observed most people came to see "2012". So by my curiosity and a perfect interval between these two movies, I allowed myself being crazy once.

About "Love Happens", I think it 's not only a love movie but also delivered how to make healing. No matter how we pretend being well in front of people, if we didn't lay down the mental burdens, we won't get the real happiness and peace. To face what we ever lost takes time, and to overcome the fear needs courage. If we couldn't control our emotion well, the worst we might lose our mind and what we have.

About "2012", I had a brief conclusion. If all things came to the same ending one day, whether the Maya's prediction is true or not, why we used to concern the future instead of the present? why we not to squeeze the moment and cherish those who around you? why need to care so much those which we hardly possess of? why we often adopt complaint instead of construction?

Here I also gain a common point from these two films-to keep the faith, to believe we can make it, to persist till the last minutes, to try what we can do, then everything will be possible. Like the saying " where there is a will, there is a way." What do you think?

Sharing Good Stuff - Magpie

My colleague sent me a picture about "magpie". In our custom, we see this kind of birds as a good sign, will bring good news. Last Friday afternoon, the last working of my trip, I saw the beautiful bird and took a shot. Wishing you all good news approaching to you.

It's an ordinary day, but I felt more harmonic than other weekends. I watched one film about Coco Channel's story. I saw how hard jobs behind a successful wowan, both in her family, love and career. As my view, she got a good luck and paid her efforts as well. That made her dreams come true. However life are always filled with uncertainty. She lost her true love before she got to the poineer position.

For me, it's an inspiring story. I was thinking it's really hard to ask for a perfect life what we want, and no one is exceptional. Through mountainmama's reference, I read this quite from livinglifefully, and I most like the bold lines in which.

Today's quotation:

There are as many nights as days, and the one is justas long as the other in the year's course. Even a happylife cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word "happy" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

by Carl Jung

Two Boxes

Whenever the weather get cloudy or rainy, my memory box will open. I know very well not dwelling on the past too much, but it just came accross my mind. Though I had accepted the reality what happened, I still had many questions about why. Maybe there won't be any explanation even the one standing in front of me. Is the answer still important to me now? I also wonder what my real inner thought is. "Who care? " I heard a brave sound from distance.

The following post is nothing to do with religious belief, just because I think it's beautiful. I found it in my received emails a few months ago and would like to paste here for sharing. Wish you may find your own two boxes.

Buddha's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes which Buddha gave me to hold.

He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,

and all your joys in the gold.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,

both my joys and sorrows I stored.

But though the gold became heavier each day,

the black was as light as before.　

With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why.

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,

which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to Buddha, and mused,

'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'

He smiled a gentle smile and said,

'My child, they're all here with me.'

I asked Buddha, why He gave me the boxes,

Why the gold and the black with the hole?

'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

The black is for you to let go.'

佛陀的兩個盒子

我手上有兩個盒子　都是佛陀給的

祂說把悲傷放在黑盒子裡　把快樂放在金盒子裡

我聽了他的話　把快樂和悲傷分別裝進兩個盒子裡

不過　金盒子每天都有加重　但黑盒子卻依舊輕省　

我感到很好奇　就打開黑盒子　想要一探究竟

結果　我在盒子底下發現一個洞　我的悲傷都從那邊漏出去了

我把那個洞指給佛陀看　感到納悶?　 我不知道我的悲傷哪裡去了?

他輕輕地微笑說　"我的孩子　它們都在我這兒呢" 　

我問佛陀　為什麼他要給我兩個盒子?　

為什麼一個金色的 　一個黑色卻漏底的?

"我的孩子　金盒子是要給你數算你的祝福的　黑盒子是要給你放下的"

Cheers To The Happy Moment

How about your mood today? happy or sad? felt encouraged or depressed? What effected your emotion? people, your job, a judgement, or something else? But why and who care? If you feel right and happy for the moment, just ask others to join in and share with them. You will get the double of your happiness.

I had a chance to have a Japanesque dinner with my colleagues yesterday. I like to dine with them in a very relaxed atmosphere. I don't like the social dinner, it enforces me to wear a laughing mask. But as you see, sometimes we have no choice and have to compromise with life. It's the reality we know very clearly. So I will hold the available moment to have fun for myself, to invite good friends to enjoy the happy hours, even only one night of my trip, like an episode for recharging my energy for the next journey.

If you really felt not good today, you may try to question yourself what made you laugh last time. What things had led you to laugh easily and loudly without considering other's attention? How about a comic, a novel, or freak jokes? Then just do it now! Before your warmhearted help to others, you need to be generous to yourself, and you deserve to give yourself the best.

An Untitled Day

I am on a business trip and plan to stay here for this whole week. The first night I spent much time on connecting to my blog but failed. As you might heard, this country has blocked a lot of internet web resources for a long time. I felt bounded in mental needs and depressed in each failed search result. As one of my colleagues living here ever said we should cherish our freedom and resource where we live.

The picture of this post was shot in a Korea traditional craft store of Seoul Airport. You can do this cute stuff by yourself there and free of charge if you have time to stay for a while. I think it's fun for those who like handmade craft.

The hotel where I am staying is very near beach with a nice view outside my window. Since the weather was getting worse from last night, I am still trying to find a chance to take a walk along the beach. Compared with other business trips, I felt easier this time. Not because of the request of the project, I think the major factor is I find back my I key to control my changeable mood.

The Right Of Service On Love

Whenever you do something for people, are you really willing to do that? If you really love someone very very much, I bet you will try to give what you can give and even enjoy the power of giving.

Today I read an article - the right of service on love.

When the relationship got stuck, who got the the right of service on love?

吳若權 愛情的發球權

"當感情遇見膠著的瓶頸，誰會真正擁有愛情的發球權呢？"

It catched my attention to think deeply. An echo from my heart had hit me hard for a long time. These days I alomst forgot the feeling of hurt in the past relationship. Day by day I became acceptable about the current status. I tried to understand why people behaved in an unusal manner and out of my thinking. Though it was the last thing I would do, if it's my destiny, maybe to set someone free was the last thing I could do for him.

談感情，行動要積極、態度要謙卑。
緣分來時，懂得感激；緣分走了，虛心接納。

多了幸福、少了怨恨，

情起或緣滅，都是好的際遇、善的因果，

有很多智慧，值得學習。

I agreed to the author's words -

"We should be responsible for our own emotion, and do not leave the key to others to decide what your happiness is. When the fate brings love to you, learn to be grateful. When love leaves you, learn to accept it. More happiness, less regret and hate."

You might feel that is a bit fatalistic, but I would take it as a wisdom for my lesson. In which I ever lost something, but I also got something. We should embrace the imperfection in our life.

It doesn't matter who got the right of service on love. It was my choice to end up my blind waiting and cut down my sadness, to give more space for each other. So far I won't say that love faded already. I just buried it in somewhere of my heart.

A Short Break For Myself

I took an annual leave this afternoon and went to see Julie & Julia. I enjoyed watching movie during others' working hours. I felt easy and comfortable without crowd in the theater. I like Merely Streep's great acting whatever she acted. She always successfully led the audience to feel like they also experienced that.

I also got some rough thinking after seeing this film, and would like to record what I felt for the moment.

-the enthusiasm, concentration and persistence are the keys to make our dreams come true.

-imperfection gives us a chance to learn more in different aspects. we may not get everthing we pursue, but we still own much.

-give full supports to those whom we deeply love, and take a part in their hard working toward their goals. maybe there is no second chance to join in their dreams.

-make them feel important and hopeful while they fail in the way.