New Year Begin, Old Year End

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my dear friends! My blessings is on the way to you...

It's the last day of 2009. Though the busy days made my skull "out of memory", I still would like to record the day and write something for the yearly closing. The passing old year is a fulfilled year for me. As you saw many of my older posts, I recorded what I experienced in family, friendship, relationship, partnership, career and trips. I never thought I could make this blog. I couldn't believe I could write what I felt in English. I knew quite well where my inspiration came from and what the key driver was. I told myself these changes were in the good side of my life, even sometimes I felt sad, upset and stressed.

These days I have been busy on the preparation of my coming bussiness trip. Most of my days I dedicate myself to my job. Some memory of old days still visited, but I got more peace in my mind. I am bound for meeting a series of new challenges.

Now we just cross 2009 and move to 2010. The moment everyone is making new wishes for this coming new year. I expect myself to be more adorable, more considerate, more confident. I expect I will live my life smarter than ever.

Wishing you all a great new year filled with wealth, happiness and success~~

Fate? Or Just Coincidence?

There are times when we feel lonely, depressed and helpless in life, and there are always friends showing up and expressing their concerns on us, especially in such greeting seasons. This special year I got some good friends around and felt lucky to be blessed and concerned. Some are long time friends, some are coworkers, some we never met. I felt grateful for being supported by those considerate, kind and sweet friends.

Lately I met and heard of some coincidences. We are easily to be related to other social network between friends, like the connections in "Facebook", "Plaxo" or other networks. We met some old friends, and friends of our friends or coworkers who knew each other earlier or later than us. It's so wonderful, isn't it? Our social networks were extended naturally by these connections. For sure in some circumstances, we may reject their connection request if we chose staying alone or feel unsafe with them.

I like one of my friends lately said "everything happens for a reason". It might explain something in some way and someday. Things seldom come up to our expectations. It happens occasionally that the last person we don't want him to know or involve in our affairs, or the last thing we don't want it happen, but they will come to our life eventually. For me, I would like treat that as a test in my life. I want to see how God arrange everything. I hope myself to pass every single examination. The moment every option is open, and no decision would be made. I keep learning to listen my real voices inside and walking on the spiritual tempos.

In Life, As In Crosswords

I had a very relexed time for this weekend. I joined an outing to Yilan. We visited Green Onion Culture Palace, went to see silver willows and beautiful maples. It was bitterly cold yesterday, especially walking on the hills.

Perhaps I had spent out my energy for the outing, I woke up very late this morning. But I felt peacefully today. It was still cold outside. I didn't step out my house until I went out for hunting food this evening.

I just watched a comic film "All about Steve", acted by Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper. I enjoyed its metaphors of some dialogues, some meaningful quotes. I would like to paste some here for reminding myself of these good words.

In life, as in crosswords, some days are harder than others, and that's what keeps your brain alive. The key to surviving those tough days is to pick yourself up and stay focused on your life's purpose.

If you quit a puzzle, you can't finish it. Sure, every once in a while, you run into a doozy, that you don't think you could ever solve in a million years, but if you stick with it, you figure it out eventually. Worst thing you can do is leave it unfinished. It's never the solution, is it?

We have a natural compulsion to fill empty spaces. I like to think he means not just crosswords, but the empty spaces inside of us. That comes from making your way in a world, that doesn't always embrace unique.

I tried to fill my empty spaces with words and puzzles- and Steve, but that wasn't the answer. Now I know, on the journey, just find someone as normal as you, even not the whole bunch.

If you love someone, set him free. If you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place.

Take A Break

This is a busy week. Even I had taken two days for my annual leave, I still worked at home. Some important meetings and tasks have been proceeded by today, so I felt relaxed. Just want to sit for a while without thinking of those bothersome stuff. Empty out my skull and take a break. Have a nice weekend~

photo: street advertisement of yahoo, shot on Dec.13,2009.

Be A Good Person

I just watched a film-"World's Greatest Dad", acted by Robin Williams. It's a comedy with mamy humorous, sardonic and meaningful dialogues. These words attracted me to write down here and led me to question myself as well.

"Is it more important for me to be a good person? or to be thought of as a good person?

I got a little confused which means a lot to me?

I had no intension to please anyone around me, but I liked the feeling to be thought of as a good person. So that I might need to hide my real thoughts in front of them.

For a long time, I have being acted as a good daughter to my family, a responsible staff to my served institution, a considerate person to my colleagues. Are those my real personalities? Or what I did just because I didn't want to disappoint those people at all. Sometimes I felt pressured and tired to act as what people expected me supposed to be.

Well...what's your philosophy?

Course Of Commuication

Today I attended a training course of communication. I enjoyed the learning very much. I think it's a practical and useful on my job. The teacher gave us a homework to find out what we need to improve in our work area. There are three aspects-"ASK" to work out:

A-Attitude

S-Skill

K-Knowledge

Just write down 2 points of each aspect, because too many issues would mislead our forcus.

We had an interesting game for "Thinking". Here I paste the first picture. I think you may have a try. Take a piece of paper , and please use your creative power to make it into the same shape in this photo. Give yourself 5 minutes. Did you make it? There were only 2 persons succeed in our class. What a pity I wasn't the two.

Then I paste the solution for you below. Try again....Succeed or not? The secret in this game is "view around", to think things in a different way. Wishing you enjoy~

Dancing With Pressure?

It have been one month since we moved in our new office. I walked to office in the morning if I woke up early. Recently I have been busy on preparing our annual budget and project plan for next year, and keep receiving many instructions from my boss.

Actually I am not a glutton of work, but in some friends' view, I might be. Somehow, I indeed think being busy is a good thing. It means I am needed by something or someone, either in my family or company. Plus, I won't have time to make daydreams.

I just read an artice from my friend's email, and I like its philosophy-"There is no boring work. Only our attitude toward works makes it interesting or boring." In my most approaches to face heavy loadings would be acceptance first, then trying to negotiate a new deadline about tasks. But unavoidablely, I might easily become impatient when I am busy or deliberating on something. I think I still need a lot of efforts for improvement.

Outside the window of my office, I can have a great view about the surrounding buildings and the distant mountains. There is always a good chance to refresh my mood in each brand-new morning. Looking the farthest, the mountains, I become so tiny.... like dust in the wind....

"Mr. LEFT"

"Mr.LEFT"? Yes, you are not "Mr.WRONG"! I would rather call you Mr.LEFT. Why say so? I think there was nobody wrong in this relationship, just because we are moving on different sides, the right for me and the left for you. If I make a list for 10 persons who had affected my life most, you would be one of them. You made me change my lifestyle, my learning, my views, and the definition of love.

Through a friend's visit a few days ago, I heard of your latest status going well. It's good for you. It had been over six months since our last real talk. These days there were some noises echoed in my head, and the frequency of those sounds increasing. I think the main cause is due to our next meeting is approaching more and more. It pushed me to write something here. Though I know very well you won't look my posts, but why bothers? I just want to record my present mood.

Fifty days more, we will meet again, before that, I really wish a chance to talk to you heart to heart. I still have no idea what you are thinking now. Friendship doesn't come easy, and we had been friends for years. It's the last thing I would do to give you any pressure. You could tell me if you thought this relatioship as a burden. What I have been waiting for is still silence. You never showed up and said something. I had ever tried several channels to reopen our conversation but all failed. What could I say? It's a long long distance to reach you, so no matter how you think or act, I indeed have no way to affect your life. Maybe you felt much safer in your own shell.

Here I paste some words from my reading and I wish you might see. If not, I hope we may frankly talk when we meet next time.

"I want and deserve a man who knows he wants to be with me.

If that's not you, I need to know, so I can move on."

Though in the deep of my heart I might guess and catch the answer, I still wish you could let your words spoken.

I think we will be alone eventually at the last second of our life, so before that sad moment I do hope both us will be lucky to keep sharing our life with our beloved, no matter whom the one will be. I can't deny there are some hesitations and struggles staying here. I also wonder if you ever thought of me and cared about our friendship. As people told me, it's dangerous to fall again in such a distant relatioship if lack of trust base. Now I am counting the days left, and buliding more strength inside to see the real YOU at that day.....

Climbing Mountains

Last weekend I took part in a two-day trip to Sun-link-sea, which is located in Nan-Toa. Though this area had ever been closed for 4 years due to 921 earthquake of 1999, it's still beautiful and very natural. You mightn't have a chance to visit there, but can easily take a web tour. Go to Sun-link-sea.

The most unforgetable experience was climbing. We had walked along the path through the woods about 3 hours. Most friends felt exhausted during the way, for sure "a city animal" as I, couldn't be exceptional. There was always surprising stuff showing up whenever we almost gave up. The amazing and beautiful scenery was like a painting, and we stood there. I felt so glad to have attended this tough task. I am thinking now...maybe people would more cherish life only after they passed through a trail of difficult experiences.

Another exciting event for me was riding a bycle in the country road. I ever thought several times to take a ride but never did in this busy city. It has been almost twenty years since I rode last. I didn't expect that I would have a chance to ride, and I would like to look that as a precious gift. I am not sure if you agree? sometimes we will feel happier when we keep less expectation toward life.

My harvest from this trip was beyond my words. In short, I did have a great time in this trip.

My Bucket List

Well...it's a very meaningful assignment for me, and this inspiration came from these two wonderful posts, "mountainmama's bucket list" and "starry eye's 10 Dreams to Realise b4 I Kick the Bucket". I don't know how they make those beautiful thoughts and dreams, but I would like to try my own.

I ever thought, if I only have a few months (or maybe less ) to live, is there anything I feel regetful about? anything I want to do but never did it? for sure, there should be. somehow, I am in a trance.

Here I go my bucket list before I am dying.

1. to meet true love and get older together.

2. to have a house in the country and live in a simple lifestyle.

3. to dispel my fear about water and learn how to swim.

4. to learn painting.

5. to accept any invitation for experiencing fresh and good stuff.

6. to travel as possible as I can- with enough time, bugdet and good health.

7. to enjoy life with a good partner, my family and old friends.

8. to have my own coffee shop where people may release themselves.

9. to write down my life, my feeling, my fantasy till the last momet.

10. to train myself to stay in real peaceful and harmonic mindset if I failed in making dreams come true.

And here's what I have done that makes me feel good about my spiritual land and real life.

1. I made efforts on my career and got physical returns to clear my financial burden.

2. I started my blogging life since this July. It led me through a brand-new space, knowing many friends and fulfilled my boring life. Meanwhile, I have been trying to improve my poor English through writing.

3. This year I had trips to some destinations where I had never been.

4. I experienced an unforgettable relationship this year, from sweetness to bitterness. But I also learn how to do self-healing, to love myself more, and to enjoy life in time.

5. I learn how to make cookies and cakes. I like to share those desserts with my friends.

So far, I am still thinking what I want? anything I will regret if not doing? As time goes by and I am getting older, my bucket list might be revised again and again. But I think it's OK. It will mean I have different expectation and more dreams toward life. Moreover, those dreams of the list will be good drivers for changing my ordinary life.

My Movie Day

Today I did one thing I never did before. I took my annual leave this afternoon and went to two movies, "Love Happens" and "2012", plus, alone. It's not holiday but still took some time to buy tickets. I observed most people came to see "2012". So by my curiosity and a perfect interval between these two movies, I allowed myself being crazy once.

About "Love Happens", I think it 's not only a love movie but also delivered how to make healing. No matter how we pretend being well in front of people, if we didn't lay down the mental burdens, we won't get the real happiness and peace. To face what we ever lost takes time, and to overcome the fear needs courage. If we couldn't control our emotion well, the worst we might lose our mind and what we have.

About "2012", I had a brief conclusion. If all things came to the same ending one day, whether the Maya's prediction is true or not, why we used to concern the future instead of the present? why we not to squeeze the moment and cherish those who around you? why need to care so much those which we hardly possess of? why we often adopt complaint instead of construction?

Here I also gain a common point from these two films-to keep the faith, to believe we can make it, to persist till the last minutes, to try what we can do, then everything will be possible. Like the saying " where there is a will, there is a way." What do you think?

Sharing Good Stuff - Magpie

My colleague sent me a picture about "magpie". In our custom, we see this kind of birds as a good sign, will bring good news. Last Friday afternoon, the last working of my trip, I saw the beautiful bird and took a shot. Wishing you all good news approaching to you.

It's an ordinary day, but I felt more harmonic than other weekends. I watched one film about Coco Channel's story. I saw how hard jobs behind a successful wowan, both in her family, love and career. As my view, she got a good luck and paid her efforts as well. That made her dreams come true. However life are always filled with uncertainty. She lost her true love before she got to the poineer position.

For me, it's an inspiring story. I was thinking it's really hard to ask for a perfect life what we want, and no one is exceptional. Through mountainmama's reference, I read this quite from livinglifefully, and I most like the bold lines in which.

Today's quotation:

There are as many nights as days, and the one is justas long as the other in the year's course. Even a happylife cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word "happy" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.

by Carl Jung

Two Boxes

Whenever the weather get cloudy or rainy, my memory box will open. I know very well not dwelling on the past too much, but it just came accross my mind. Though I had accepted the reality what happened, I still had many questions about why. Maybe there won't be any explanation even the one standing in front of me. Is the answer still important to me now? I also wonder what my real inner thought is. "Who care? " I heard a brave sound from distance.

The following post is nothing to do with religious belief, just because I think it's beautiful. I found it in my received emails a few months ago and would like to paste here for sharing. Wish you may find your own two boxes.

Buddha's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes which Buddha gave me to hold.

He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,

and all your joys in the gold.'

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,

both my joys and sorrows I stored.

But though the gold became heavier each day,

the black was as light as before.　

With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why.

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,

which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to Buddha, and mused,

'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'

He smiled a gentle smile and said,

'My child, they're all here with me.'

I asked Buddha, why He gave me the boxes,

Why the gold and the black with the hole?

'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

The black is for you to let go.'

佛陀的兩個盒子

我手上有兩個盒子　都是佛陀給的

祂說把悲傷放在黑盒子裡　把快樂放在金盒子裡

我聽了他的話　把快樂和悲傷分別裝進兩個盒子裡

不過　金盒子每天都有加重　但黑盒子卻依舊輕省　

我感到很好奇　就打開黑盒子　想要一探究竟

結果　我在盒子底下發現一個洞　我的悲傷都從那邊漏出去了

我把那個洞指給佛陀看　感到納悶?　 我不知道我的悲傷哪裡去了?

他輕輕地微笑說　"我的孩子　它們都在我這兒呢" 　

我問佛陀　為什麼他要給我兩個盒子?　

為什麼一個金色的 　一個黑色卻漏底的?

"我的孩子　金盒子是要給你數算你的祝福的　黑盒子是要給你放下的"

Cheers To The Happy Moment

How about your mood today? happy or sad? felt encouraged or depressed? What effected your emotion? people, your job, a judgement, or something else? But why and who care? If you feel right and happy for the moment, just ask others to join in and share with them. You will get the double of your happiness.

I had a chance to have a Japanesque dinner with my colleagues yesterday. I like to dine with them in a very relaxed atmosphere. I don't like the social dinner, it enforces me to wear a laughing mask. But as you see, sometimes we have no choice and have to compromise with life. It's the reality we know very clearly. So I will hold the available moment to have fun for myself, to invite good friends to enjoy the happy hours, even only one night of my trip, like an episode for recharging my energy for the next journey.

If you really felt not good today, you may try to question yourself what made you laugh last time. What things had led you to laugh easily and loudly without considering other's attention? How about a comic, a novel, or freak jokes? Then just do it now! Before your warmhearted help to others, you need to be generous to yourself, and you deserve to give yourself the best.

An Untitled Day

I am on a business trip and plan to stay here for this whole week. The first night I spent much time on connecting to my blog but failed. As you might heard, this country has blocked a lot of internet web resources for a long time. I felt bounded in mental needs and depressed in each failed search result. As one of my colleagues living here ever said we should cherish our freedom and resource where we live.

The picture of this post was shot in a Korea traditional craft store of Seoul Airport. You can do this cute stuff by yourself there and free of charge if you have time to stay for a while. I think it's fun for those who like handmade craft.

The hotel where I am staying is very near beach with a nice view outside my window. Since the weather was getting worse from last night, I am still trying to find a chance to take a walk along the beach. Compared with other business trips, I felt easier this time. Not because of the request of the project, I think the major factor is I find back my I key to control my changeable mood.

The Right Of Service On Love

Whenever you do something for people, are you really willing to do that? If you really love someone very very much, I bet you will try to give what you can give and even enjoy the power of giving.

Today I read an article - the right of service on love.

When the relationship got stuck, who got the the right of service on love?

吳若權 愛情的發球權

"當感情遇見膠著的瓶頸，誰會真正擁有愛情的發球權呢？"

It catched my attention to think deeply. An echo from my heart had hit me hard for a long time. These days I alomst forgot the feeling of hurt in the past relationship. Day by day I became acceptable about the current status. I tried to understand why people behaved in an unusal manner and out of my thinking. Though it was the last thing I would do, if it's my destiny, maybe to set someone free was the last thing I could do for him.

談感情，行動要積極、態度要謙卑。
緣分來時，懂得感激；緣分走了，虛心接納。

多了幸福、少了怨恨，

情起或緣滅，都是好的際遇、善的因果，

有很多智慧，值得學習。

I agreed to the author's words -

"We should be responsible for our own emotion, and do not leave the key to others to decide what your happiness is. When the fate brings love to you, learn to be grateful. When love leaves you, learn to accept it. More happiness, less regret and hate."

You might feel that is a bit fatalistic, but I would take it as a wisdom for my lesson. In which I ever lost something, but I also got something. We should embrace the imperfection in our life.

It doesn't matter who got the right of service on love. It was my choice to end up my blind waiting and cut down my sadness, to give more space for each other. So far I won't say that love faded already. I just buried it in somewhere of my heart.

A Short Break For Myself

I took an annual leave this afternoon and went to see Julie & Julia. I enjoyed watching movie during others' working hours. I felt easy and comfortable without crowd in the theater. I like Merely Streep's great acting whatever she acted. She always successfully led the audience to feel like they also experienced that.

I also got some rough thinking after seeing this film, and would like to record what I felt for the moment.

-the enthusiasm, concentration and persistence are the keys to make our dreams come true.

-imperfection gives us a chance to learn more in different aspects. we may not get everthing we pursue, but we still own much.

-give full supports to those whom we deeply love, and take a part in their hard working toward their goals. maybe there is no second chance to join in their dreams.

-make them feel important and hopeful while they fail in the way.

Happy Halloween

It's a fantastic feast, but not popular for celebration here. However I still found some interesting stuffs in the supermarket of Taipei 101.
Just for fun...have a smile...

From Ending To Beginning

Yesterday was the last working day in Taipei Neihu Technology Park. We will move to a new building in downtown from next Monday. It's very near where now I live. Excluding traveling days, I may go to my office by walking. For me, it's really a good luck and an unexplainable fate. I am very familiar with this area since my first serving company is located here. It's also near Taipei 101. Who can predict where I will be? About 5 years ago, I didn't know I could hold on my current job up to the present and our company will move to this downtown.

The past few weeks a lot of things changed. Some friends were laid off and some is going to quit. To go forward the past few months, I lose an important distant relationship with my friend, but I found new land for my soul, I learned how to do self-healing, I got warm friendship and comforts. As well as those kind consideration, there were also some critical comments and warning to pull out myself from the sad mood. I knew very well no matter which way they expressed, they indeed cared and concerned me. As Mountainmama sent me this quote "There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction ~ Winston Churchill”, I would rather believe that everything will be arranged in its best way.

I think we all got some difficult issues for learning in this life, perhaps in family, friend or career, in physical or mental area. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself to fall into self-pitying, but I won’t allow that emotion stay too long. Now I am looking forward to my new working tempos.

Here I paste some wisdom quotes for myself and share with my dear friends.

About maturity~

Henri Bergson:
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.

About expectaion~

Joan Didion:
To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves -- there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.

About beginning~

Lazurus Long:
Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.

Beyond Planning

I got a surprised notification this morning. Actually it wasn't a good one. My staff told me he will resign the job as I chatting with him how to go to our new office from next Monday. It seemed he already made up his mind since he already got an offer. I really felt regretful I was told at the last moment. It's not a good timing now just after I finished the project plan of the next year.

But...when is the good timing to tell the bad news to the relevent persons? If it happened to me? How will I do?

In the other way, I sincerely bless his new career and wish he indeed get a better one. I think the following projects won't be easier than the past jobs if he really felt overloaded or pressured. He won't be happy for the coming year. Everyone deserves a better life quality if he already got a new chance.

Another thing out of my plan is I was asked to have a business travel for one week in middle November. New project, new challenge. Though it's not scheduled in our annual plan, it's not a bad thing for me. I persue myself that I just need time to think and plan how to proceed it well, and I commit myself to try my best.

Most people don't like change and movement especially beyond their planning or expectation. But not all things come as our wish. The truth is most things couldn't be decided by ourselves. So to keep a peaceful mood and think those are nothing special is very important. Not an easy job but a good lesson for life.

Deal With Unpleasantness

How would you react if any uncomfortable situation happened between you and your family, your best friends, or partners? Will you adopt a straight way to speak out your feeling? or pretend you didn't care? or persue yourself nothing happened? Either which one, they might embrace the good side and the bad side. It is really hard to get the balance for all.

An unexpected visitor came to my house yesterday. If he just stayed for a while or a couple days, it's all right. But I was told just one hour before his coming and said he might stay for a couple weeks. I felt uncomfortable. I felt my private space was offended. I am not good at hiding my feeling, so I said some serious words to my family last night. After then I kept quiet for a few hours. Why some person often ignored the others' existence?

Today is Sunday. I have done a whole day of housework. The guest is still here. I was trained to be a polite person so I couldn't expel the guest. It seems I couldn't change the thing. I tried to remove my focus from his long stay. I kept myself in my room, listen to some music, and watched a movie to cheer myself. Later I will have a beauty treatment on my face and keep relaxed. I need to drive out the negative emotion quickly. Why should I let others effect my good mood and add wrinkles on my face?

Here is a good quote for all my dear friends.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance"
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

I also paste some happy tips from website by google search. Now I am trying to practice these as my spiritual homeworks.

It's more important to be happy than to be right.

You can either be happy, or unhappy. Choose happy.

Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don't feel it.

Treat everyone as you want to be treated.

Question Myself

No news for this weekend. The sunshine finally went through the heavy clouds. I like the cool and sunny day. I didn't go far and just walked around in the neighborhood of my house. I felt comfortable while the breeze brushing my hair. Like the other weeks, I did a lot of laundries and housework after a whole week of working days.

The major task for me in the 4th quarter is the budget preparation for the next year. By this year end, about 80% of our project plans will be confirmed. It means I almost know how tight my schedule will be for the coming year. In some way I might feel upset because I will get more responsibility and challenges. Some places I never visited in the past projects. I am not sure if I could make that succeed.

A few weeks ago I read the quote from mountainmama's blog,

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

~Marie Curie

I think it would be a good reminder for me to dispel my doubts and fears for facing the uncertainty. In addition, I need make more efforts and spiritual construction before I go for the new area.

Sometimes I felt so lucky to get more chances for traveling than others, though most of them were due to my job required. Those travels did give me different views and growth for life. No matter where to go and what to experience, it will be only a part of my life journey. As the author, Stephen Covey, stating "the 90/10 Principle",

10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react…

So... why I need to worry about the 10% of uncontrollable life?

秋．散戲

行道樹依舊翠綠，在這個城市，要能體會到"一葉知秋"似乎是不容易的。從薄毛衫添上身的那刻，才稍稍覺得有秋的味道。 我喜歡這個季節，帶點浪漫的詩人氣息，可惜這兒的氣候，四季不是那麼分明，"秋"的停留往往短暫得讓人來不及駐足欣賞.

經歷了這個夏天熾熱、過度燃燒的激情，我想，這是個適合"悼念"儀式的季節，所有不開心的、傷痛的、不平的、遺憾的．．．都該在這個時候告別。或許，待冬季沉澱過後，來年的春又將會有新的輪迴。

突然有股悠然又惆悵的情懷蔓延著，很想很想讀讀席慕蓉的詩：

『散戲　　　　(1982.10.30)

　讓我們　再回到那 最起初最起初的寂寞吧
　讓我們　用長長的 並且極為平凡的一生 來做一個證明
　讓所有好奇好熱鬧的人群 都覺得無聊和無趣

　讓一直煩擾著我們的 等著看精彩結局的觀眾 都紛紛退票　頹然散去
　

　這樣　才能回復到 最起初最起初的寂寞吧
　到那個時候　舞臺上 將只剩下一座空山 山中將空無一人

　只有 好風好日　鳥喧花靜

　到那個時候 白髮的流浪者啊　請你 請你佇足靜聽
　在風裡雲裡　遠遠地 互相傳呼著的

　是我們不再困惑的 年輕而熱烈的聲音』

Unfairness And Puzzle

There was a bad news for these two days. Our head office is cutting back in personnel. We felt terrible some of our good colleagues were in the list. We couldn't figure out what standards for the list. We saw other department still add new staffs in the title of project assistant manager, so why to lay off those basic level of staffs? For sure, we can do nothing for such a cruel event. It 's hard to comfort those good friends now. I think they need more time to accept the fact though they were asked to leave by this Friday.

Such unfair cases exit everywhere. No acceptable reasons were given. sometimes you indeed have talents and skills, but you need good luck to accomplish your success. Who is the real loser? So far we don't know. Maybe those management had their good reasons for their doing.

We also heard it might have another cutback action. How to ask the left staffs to show their loyalty in the current unstable atmosphere? What I hope is my team could survive if that happened. As for me, I should do well what my duties and build good skills in case of that bad things falled on me.

Here I sincerely wish those good friends will soon get recovery in their career and get much better one than they had. May all the resources come whenever they need.

Clearing Useless Stuffs

This weekend was a cloudy and rainy day. My mood was a bit affected and stuck by the weather. After staying for half a day, I decided to step out for 'hunting'. By a chance, I walked in a bookstore. I felt fresh for a while when I found new stuffs-memo papers and notebooks with cute cartoons. I hadn't spent much time outdoors since it's very wet outside.

For a moment, I didn't know why I was so blue for the whole weekend. Though I enjoyed the silent hours but I didn't like the anonymous emotion came. To drive out the unwelcome feeling, I chose to watch a comedy- 'The Proposal", acted by Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.

I don't know how about your way , but it works that those simple things always can bring me simple happiness. It's an easy approach to expel the pressure from me.

I guessed there should be some useless stuffs on my mind, and I had to take actions for cleaning up. It had been a long time since I rearranged the layout of my room last. I thought it would be a good timing for making change as well as brushing my blue mood. Trying to dispose of some useless stuffs, I was getting delighted whenever throwing one away.

Later, I will continue my cleaning job...both for environment and spiritual land...

Next Station, Happiness

Lately I paid a lot of efforts on movie making by disposing some photos and music. I felt like to find a new pleasure park for my heart. I enjoy the peaceful mood while concentrating on my movie project.

Time to the fourth quarter, many friends looked like more busy and impatient. These words just came to my mind when I walked on my way home tonight-'Next station, happiness'. If there is a real station named 'Happiness', I think most of us would pay for the ticket. I believe that indeed exists in our own mind and everyone has his unique approach to 'Happiness'.

In most circumstances, sometimes we made us breathless just because we gave too much pressure on ourselves. One of my friends told me she felt unhappy. As I knew she alway set some standards and targets for herself. These days she might get to the bottle neck for work and feel powerless for her current status.

What about your approach if you fell into the same situation?

I think it's good to keep us walking on the right way to our goals, but never push ourselves too much whenever the things went out of our expectation. Ask yourself what you want? Had you done your best? If yes, just let it passed. You still have time and another new chance to make it better. It means you have the oppertunity and space for improvement. More reference for you, there are many dimensions of our lif. We shouldn't overemphasize any of them, unless it's our choice for our own happiness.

For releasing the unpleasant mood, I usually take a deep breathe, then to do something interesting. Maybe a cup of coffee, a comedy, a slow walk, reading or chatting, it would be useful to transfer my focus to a light mood. Here I share a fantastic idea for you.

Imaging....

"You were shipping in the sea. Soft wind blowing. You got your tempos to enjoy the melody of sea waves...."

Well, could you feel that?

Art Of Rejection

Did you have the experience that you want to be alone for deliberation, but you might be interrupted by unexpected things? such as a market research call, noise pollution, friend's visit, or any kind of invitation. What will you react then? I think most people would get impatient at the first moment. For sure, I am not exceptional. Sometimes I would felt sorry for my first reaction. To feel for others, they might really need our supports at that time, but were unfortunatly rejected by us.

Words are arts and tough lessons. I know I'm not capable of all hard works or requests, so it indeed happened that I had to say "NO" to others sometimes. Although using words improperly might be hurt to others, my basic principle is never promise others what over my capability. Once you promise but fail to do, it might hurt others more than your first rejection.

In another situation, for those people always used to ask for other's help, you might have a soft heart to give him a hand occasionally but coudn't be his hands all the time, right? So don't feel embarrassed to say "NO", just remember to give him a chance for helping himself and growing up.

Words could be miracle and healing. In the other way, if we can give others our hands easily and willingly, never be stingy to express our kindness and consideration. I believe good people will always be blessed.

Be Kind . Be Good

I heard of some friends suffering from illness today. Many sorrows came to my mind. I wish they will soon overcome the hard work with all resources and great courage.

Meanwhile, I also had an introspection on myself. As the same age of people, I should be grateful to God for my good health. I think God give everyone at least a tough issue in his life. Some met bottle neck in career, some fell in unpleasant marriage or relationship, some got sick and some worried all they thought. It seems we all have different issues to learn and conquer. Some can pass through but some might quit in the half way.

I am not sure if you believe the saying of transmigration of the soul in Buddhism. Whenever I met something unfair or horrible, I would have a dialogue with myself- Perhaps I was not good in the past or the previous life so that gave me the test and the chance to learn. I think what we done to others will pay back to ourselves someday. Through some actual cases and my past experience, it's indeed a small world and we might meet each other somewhere occasionally. So do good things and try to be kind to others as possible as we can.

Video Tour to Xian 西安遊

This video contains three parts: Xian Old Town(西安古城), Hua Qingchi(華清池) and clay figures of warriors and horses buried with the dead(兵馬俑). All pictures were taken by my colleagues in the latest business trip. Though I didn't go to Xian with them, I felt as if I had being there.

I think the greatest thing during business trip is to squeeze some time to arrange a short tour.

Come to follow me.... Wish you enjoy it! Just click the play button of the following video or visit this web.

Touching Moment Lasting

Our classmate reunion just passed off very successfully this Sunday. I think everyone did have a good time and carried a lot of beautiful memory home these two days. All surprising and sweet arrangement indeed moved us time after time. It's so nice to see those friends almost lost in touch and finally showed up in this important activity. Some said they ever thought not to come and felt glad to be there eventually. We also invited our professors to join in our programs.

The afternoon of the first day we walked around our campus and saw there changed a lot. Those memory of school days came back in that moment. Non-stop chatting, picturing and laughing during our gathering.

A few friends and our teacher had a tea time after our activity, and kept discussing how to plan the next big event- 30th anniversary of calssmate reunion. Wow! Can you imagine that scenery? We all get a little older and some might brought their grandson . It might be another wonderful gathering then.

How lucky I am to have such good partners. Thanks God to give us the fate and unforgettable friendship. No matter how different way we walk along, there is always an invisible connection among us. We will cherish it forever...

If you had interest in sharing our memory, you are welcome to visit my video website.

Be Thankful To Those Hurts 感謝疼痛

昨天, 跟一個許久沒見的朋友碰面，兩人聊起來, 近日所遭遇的感情事件竟有許多雷同的戲劇情節, 一樣令人不解，一樣令人心痛，與其用像謎一樣來形容事件的男主角，還不如說他們不夠坦誠。談話的過程，我彷彿看到幾個月前的自己。這樣的愛情，投入與付出較多的那方, 傷得總是最重。我試著以先前自我療癒所學到的方法向那位朋友引導，由衷期盼她失落和不平的心能找到出口，找到寄託。

Yesterday I met a friend. We didn't meet for months. Just got her latest sad love as I ever experienced. Alomst the same senario happened in these men's action. I won't say they were mysterious. I would rather say they were'nt frank in the relationship. I saw my shadow from her stroy. The one who pay much more get more hurt in such a relationship. I tried to give my advise which I applied in my self-healing. I heartfeltly hope she will find a way to get back her lost and upset heart.

我想，用心對待的人，老天爺一定會疼惜他們，就像曾經聽到的這段話：

　『可能神要我們在遇到那位對的人之前先遇上一些錯的人，
　　讓我們遇到那位對的人時懂得珍惜。 』

　　 Perhaps God want us to meet some wrong persons before right persons, then we will know how to cherish when we meet those right persons.

很有智慧，不是嗎？

我的朋友問了我一句話：怎樣才能不再受傷？能夠遇到對的人？

我的心裡頭是沒底的，這個世界，變才是唯一的不變，我們又如何企求對方能夠始終如一呢？若沒有雙方用心盡力的維繫，共同的人生目標，情感關係要想長長久久，約莫是天方夜譚才找得到的劇情。

Well...how to avoid to get hurt again? how to the the right persons?

I have no idea for that actually. The only unchanged thing is it always changes in every second. How could we expect the other never change if we had no common goals for life and both two didn't pay efforts on managing relationship.

今天，在網路上看到吳若權的新文章『受傷的手心』，最後的一段話裏，我找回些許心靈的觸動：

　唯有麻木不仁，才能免除痛的感覺，

　午夜陣陣襲來的疼痛，雖然苦楚，卻表示我，還有知覺。
　原來，手傷、心痛，也可以是一種幸福。

　感謝疼痛，讓我察覺：

　我的手，還可以活動；我的心，還能夠感動！

　Only an unfeeling person won't suffer from hurt.

　Those memory often came across my mind in midnight,

　painful and bitter, but means I am alive, I can feel the world.

　Now I understand, it's a certain kind of happiness to feel the hurt.

　Be thankful to the hurt which let me know,

　My hands can work, and my heart can be touched.

Random Talk

There was a long lag in my blogging recently. One of the reasons was my lack of inspiration, the second was I indeed felt exausted after every daylong working. Even in such ordinary days, I still felt good in some fresh stuffs. I went to see the exhibition of Pixar 20 years of animaion and went to hot spring of Peitou last Saturday. I also knew some new friends through my old classmate that day. It's a nice and casual tour!

Here is one thing worth mentioned. Due to the upcoming big event for our class reunion after twenty years, some warmhearted classmates were devoted their time to preparation. Many details need to be taken care, and we could understand how hard to squeeze time from busy days. I think no one would complain if there was no volunteer. I am heartfelt thankful for their kindness and enthusiasm. One more cheering thing is some people lost in touch were reconnected through those warmhearted friends' efforts. Without their cooperation, we won't have a chance to hold the reunion activity. It reminded me of a good quote:

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.

Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Among those preparation, I am responsible of making short films. I used a lot of old photos provided by some classmates. I found greate fun in edition and recalled those school days back. When those photos met the old music, everything seemed all so right and let me feel touched. Wish all my classmates would feel the same way at that moment when we playing those films and have happy hours. In some way, the process made me felt like a movie maker. Ha Ha..

Attitude Toward Problem-Solving

I think you would agree to me that each one has his own way toward problem-solving. It might depend on his growing background, character, age, experience, etc. I was asked to find some old pictures of my school days last night, and glanced an article I ever wrote for a past relationship with my first love. Here I found a common point that I was attracted by the same kind of men in their character. Both two almost had the same behavior model when facing problems-stalling, keeping silence, then disappearance. I was annoyed at the similar situations and felt powerless.

I also had a brief observation on myself that I always falled in a relationship too deep to pull out. I was always the person who paid more attention and consideration than the other. How come? Perhaps because I am the eldest sister in my family and I used to take care of the others, even in my office now, I also act the same role among my colleagues. Should it be my destiny? I refuse to accept that. In the deepest part of my heart, I still eager to be the person cared and cherished by others. That's the main reason I dedicated myself too much whenever I got some consideration and kindness from others.

I am such a woman easily touched by the other's tenderness, and I think standing too reasonable would kill the romance. In my personal philosophy, I like the straight way to express my thoughts and feelings and hate to be a sly guy. I believe and expect we will get mature with age. Knowing well there is no way to enforce the others to deal with things as the same way as I do, I need learn to step out more cautiously and be the master of my own life. Unavoidablely it might hurt me again, but I would rather keep the real part of me and stay in the truth. In some way, those events indeed had taught me a lots.

Four Grades of Concession

Just read an article " Concession would make more progress"(讓步, 才會更進步), writen by one of my favorite authors-吳若權. In which I mostly like the section of concession art in four grades.

-1st grade of concession, to treat the other with high respect.(禮遇)

-2nd grade of concession, to support and agree to the other's thinking and doing.(支持)

-3rd grade of concession, to tolerate and forgive the other's mistake and give a new chance to make up.(包容)

-4th grade of concession, to accomplish the other's happiness, to let the relationship go when his/her heart not in it.(成全)

Actually it's not easy to put those above into practice, especially for the one who paid much more in a relationship. Since we couldn't put all our expectation on the other's shoulder and make him/her change mind, we need to find a way to comfort ourselves. I remind of the words from my recent reading that I decide my own way to happiness. So far, I'm still learning to be a smart guy along the road I chose.

A Closing Of My Trip

Three weeks passed by, it's my last day of this business trip. I get relaxed by listening some old songs, drinking some wine and enjoying the relaxed moment. I felt so grateful for everything proceeding well. Each successful project should owe to our fantastic members and good teamwork. Before I leave for my hometown, I would like to summarize a few harvest for these days.

The first time of life experience

-transferred airline in Seoul airport.

-travel from Qingdao to Nanjin alone.

-visited my classmate in Suzhou.

-visited Tang Tsu Fang(田子坊) in Shanghai

Friendship & Emotion

-knew a lot of new friends during our audit.

-had good communication in each meeting and survey.

-exchange mental thinking and life experience with my working partners.

-got more control for anonymous feelings.

-got a lot of mental food from friends's sharing.

Material
-went shopping and felt good.

-had several delicious meals with my colleagues and working partners.

-went to foot massage twice.

Compared with the past travel experience, these days I was more concentrated on auditing than my last trip. It's really a good thing for me to achieve goals efficiently. I found a shortcut to my happiness - "Just take it easy". Once I changed my mindset, every difficulty seemed to become simple. Then I could get composed and logical on making analysis.

As our annual workplan, I won't travel again by the year end. I am going home and back to a free world of blogging.

A Colorful Weekend

It's the last week of my business trip in China. We will visit 4 companies and move to 3 hotels in this week. As usual, some mornings I still forgot where I was. Last Saturday I arrived at Shanghai and moved to the same room where I ever lived in my last trip during May and June. What a fantastic fate is! Even now I also remember those sweet and sad things happened then. But I feel better than my last visit here. I couldn't connect to my blog these nights in hotel, neither in Nanjing nor in Shanghai. It made me depressed and paused my blog writing.

After two weeks of hard working, these two days I had a colorful weekend and would like to record the beautiful memory for myself.

Sep.5, Shangai

My colleague and I went to "Tianzifang"(田子坊). This place is filled with creative ideas and arts everywhere. You may get more details from the introduction. We found some special things, bought some gifts for our friends, and had a great coffee time in that afternoon. That night, we two ladies drank a bottle of wine in hotel and felt delightful.

Sep.6, Suzhou

This Sunday my colleague and I went to Suzhou for one day tour. It took forty minutes by speedy train from Shanghai to Suzhou. I ever lived that city about 7 years ago. Though it changed a lot in these years, it still is a beautiful city with great cutural heritage. Suzhou is famous of its graden buildings. We chose to visit the Lingering Garden (留園), one of China's four most famous gardens. I couldn't figure out how many time I went there. But I still enjoyed that easy mood. Even in early September, it's still too hot to take a long walk outside. Soon we both got exhausted.

The second stop we visited the Shan-tang Street. I liked to explore those oldish things and felt relaxed while walked along those old streets.At the end of the day we had a short meeting with my classmate and was hosted by a delicious dinner.